She has a huge libido. Her partners get into complexes

Sexual mismatch can lead to conflicts, especially if one of the partners has significantly lower needs. – It turned out that although we understood each other very well, there was chemistry between us and we had similar interests, we are completely mismatched in terms of sex - confesses Olga, whose relationship did not survive.

– Our sexual drive changes throughout our entire life. Some couples have very different needs right from the start. And it happens that the libido of one of the partners increases or decreases after a few years. First and foremost, let's accept that this is normal and there is no such thing as the right amount of sex for each of us – notes sexologist Anka Grzywacz.

- What's a regular frequency for my partner, like daily intimacy, might be "too much" for me. It's hard to say "no" to someone you love. And so many people, especially women, agree to have sex even though they don't want to. That's not the way to go! If you constantly sacrifice yourself like this, you'll start associating sex with suffering, deflecting negative emotions, for example by arguing with your partner about seemingly unrelated matters - explains.

Olga claims that she never considered herself to be sexually sluggish, and her sex life was usually harmonious and successful - until she got involved with Mateusz.

– It turns out that although we understood each other very well, there was chemistry between us and we had similar interests, we are completely mismatched in terms of sex – she says. – At the beginning of the relationship we made love very often, but then, when the first phase of madness was over, it seemed natural to me that this frequency would drop. Work, obligations, fatigue. For me, sex once, twice a week was okay, I wouldn't have died either, if we had a longer break, while for Mateusz it was too rare. According to him, it would be best if we did it every day, and I had neither the strength nor the desire.

As he admits, over time this started to generate conflicts, arguments, and even silent days. They couldn't agree on this matter.

- Mateusz was mad at me, thinking that I didn't want to sleep with him because my feelings had faded. I, on the other hand, felt like an inflatable doll, I had the impression that he only thought about himself. And I completely lost interest in sex - she adds. - He was initiating something and I was retreating into myself. This of course made him angry or offended, and I was getting upset too. Although we tried to discuss it, it only led to further arguments. Mateusz couldn't quite understand my reasons, and I was annoyed by his attitude. Then there was the issue of porn, which he watched for a specific purpose. It was too much for me.

Their relationship didn't last, and Olga doesn't hide the fact that since then she's paid more attention to whether she and a potential candidate are compatible in terms of bed expectations.

The sexologist emphasizes the importance of communication between partners. – The key to finding balance when there are different sexual needs is an honest conversation – the expert says. – Simple? Not necessarily. We are afraid to admit our feelings to our partner, we do not want to disappoint him, "ruin the mood". Do you love your husband and want him to be happy, but at the same time you are afraid that if you refuse sex, he will leave or be dissatisfied? Take a deep breath and tell him that, using exactly these words.

And what if such an honest conversation gives us trouble; we're afraid that we'll be misunderstood? - If you can't put your feelings into words, write them down. Your partner may react differently, want to explain, may be angry or withdraw. Remember, it's not about you, it's about them. They have the right to their feelings. Take another deep breath and return to the conversation. If necessary, do it the next day - advises the sexologist.

"Don't give up, because what I see are women who tell me: 'I told him once, so he should remember.' Well, unfortunately not. Sometimes we have to devote a lot of time to conversation. If this is difficult, go to couples therapy or to a relationship coach. Such a person will help you not get stuck at difficult stages of discussions. Intimate communication is an art form that can be learned and practiced" - she concludes.

Zoska claims that for as long as she can remember, she has had a very high libido. - "Generally, it's said that men constantly desire sex, and a woman, you know: she has a headache and so on. In my case, and I know not just in mine, it's completely the opposite. Unfortunately, guys can't keep up with me, and I absolutely don't brag about it, it's just very frustrating. I love sex, physical closeness with a partner, generally I could do it almost always and everywhere. And no, I'm not sick, it's just my nature," she says.

She does not hide that two of her relationships fell apart precisely because of sexual mismatch. – For guys, it was a problem, they fell into complexes, they could not 'keep up' with me and 'satisfy' me, they were frustrated that they couldn't perform in bed. Some said I was perverted, that I only cared about sex, tried to humiliate me. And me, when I was younger and heard a refusal, I felt terrible, I fell into complexes, I thought I was not attractive. Now of course I know it's not true, but even so such rejection from a partner is not nice. I was looking for fault in myself, although in reality it was just about malfunction in bed - recalls the woman.

- Conversations usually led to nothing, men are often touchy about sex and it ended up with a big offense on their part or a quarrel. I am currently 35 years old, my libido is huge. Unfortunately, guys my age or older can't keep up with me. My last boyfriend was two years younger, I thought we were perfectly in sync, but over time everything broke down, he explained his lack of desire for sex with stress at work, fatigue. But when in some quarrel he told me that he forces himself to have sex with me, so I wouldn't be upset, he doesn't want to disappoint... These words stuck so strongly in my mind that unfortunately we broke up soon after - she adds.

Is it possible to compromise when partners have different temperaments? - If one of the partners loses interest in sex and there are conflicts on this basis, it is worth investigating the basis of this change. We may be dealing with depression or for example menopause in women. Let's seek specialist help and it is possible that after some time the level of sexual needs will even out - says Anka Grzywacz.

- If your partner has a higher libido than you, it doesn't mean that they don't have the right to sexual fulfillment. Even if you are in a monogamous relationship, they can satisfy their needs through masturbation or for example, watching erotic movies. Talk about this, as men sometimes have a problem with this and hide from their partners. It's important for them to know how you feel about it. In the meantime, seek out a way back to relationship intimacy - concludes the sexologist.