LifestyleSexologist's guide to first date intimacy: Safety, consent, and communication

Sexologist's guide to first date intimacy: Safety, consent, and communication

During the first date, we must ensure safety.
During the first date, we must ensure safety.
Images source: © Getty Images

12:02 PM EST, November 10, 2023

Is sex on the first date a good or bad idea? How do we handle associated feelings of guilt and moral anxiety? How can we ensure safe sex with a person we are meeting for the very first time? Let's hear from a sexologist on this issue.

Experiencing sex on the first date often stokes controversy and doubts. Occasionally, the chemistry between two people is so intense that desire takes center stage, and the date ends in bed. However, guilt may follow, leading to second thoughts about whether the action was right.

Is it advisable to have sex on the first date?

"There's nothing wrong with wanting sex on the first date if it feels right for you," highlights sexologist Bridget Scholes on She notes the stigma attached to having sex on the first date varies depending on societal, cultural, and religious views.

So, is sex on the first date a good or bad idea? "There is no universal answer to this. We live in an era where sexuality and sexual expression are increasingly being recognized and celebrated. If there is chemistry and it feels right for you and aligns with your identity, why not?" Scholes asks.

Sex on the first date: Keep this in mind

The sexologist underlines the importance of robust communication before the act. For instance, if you met online, it is prudent to have a preliminary chat about intentions, feelings, and appropriate contraceptive measures.

"If you're both agreeable and there is consent, sexting can set the mood. It's a fun way of communicating with your partner," says Scholes. "Discuss your desires and what feels right for you."

Even during the date, the paramount rule is to ensure that you feel completely safe and comfortable with the person you intend to sleep with. It's therefore advisable to meet in a public place such as a cafe, restaurant, or pub instead of a private home.

"Meeting at a public location for a drink, coffee, or meal provides an environment of safety. You have the freedom to say 'no' if you don't feel comfortable and decide to withdraw," stresses.

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