LifestyleSexologist sounds the alarm. The popular "game" may get out of control

Sexologist sounds the alarm. The popular "game" may get out of control

Sexting is not always a good idea - illustrative picture
Sexting is not always a good idea - illustrative picture
Images source: © Getty Images | FRANCESCO CARTA

7:53 PM EDT, October 12, 2023

Exchanging erotic messages can help partners reignite their passion. Beata Kuryk-Baluk, who is a sexologist and clinical psychologist, emphasizes that moderation should be applied to this method as well. She warns against its negative effects.

It seems that we really know a lot about sexting. Many people claim that this is a way to "refresh" a relationship and rekindle passion. Unfortunately, there are some exceptions in this case. Sometimes the exchange of erotic messages with a partner should even worry us, as sexologist Beata Kuryk-Baluk discusses.

When sexting stops being fun, or about crossing boundaries

Sexting, a term deriving from sex and texting, is a rather recent phenomenon that gained significant popularity during the COVID-19 pandemic. It involves sending and receiving messages, photos, and videos with a sexual nature or undertone. This can take form in conversation, for example, through text messages or social media messaging.

It is not punishable, of course, if it involves two adults who have previously agreed to it. Sexting is used by both couples with a longer duration, as well as people who have just met and want to "test" this acquaintance. Beata Kuryk-Baluk notes that it is very important that both sides agree to this kind of variety in the relationship.

- Many couples I talk to claim that sexting saved their passion and made the joy of sex reappear in their relationship. All thanks to the fact that the sexual tension, which until now lasted only a moment, that is, during foreplay, begins to last much longer and gradually increases - recalls.

"Red flags" of sexting

The sexologist emphasizes how important it is to set boundaries. After all, each of us is different, with various preferences. Just because one person finds sexting the ideal form of strengthening bonds with a partner, doesn't mean the other party automatically derives pleasure from it.

- Insistent persuading to sexting is not appropriate. Comments like: "why don't you want to", "let's try, and you will see", should light up a "red light" in our head - adds the psychologist.

He also mentions that couples must first establish absolute rules. This is an intimate space that absolutely no third party should have access to. We also have to remember that at any moment, we can withdraw from this "game".

- Sometimes it happens that a person who insists on sexting pushes their partner into a feeling of guilt due to lack of consent. Often, one party during the game starts to push the boundaries of the other and pressurize them. When we feel that our boundaries are not being respected and sexting stops being fun and enjoyable for us, we should immediately evacuate from such a relationship - adds Kuryk-Baluk. - Of course, all threats and extortion directed at us during or after sexting are also red flags.
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