Love or looks? Man's struggle with wife's appearance sparks outrage
In a letter he penned to best-selling author Jane Green, who frequently counsels married couples, the man described his situation. He noted that following her pregnancy, his wife seems to have stopped caring about her physical appearance. He admitted that he finds larger women unattractive.
"I fell in love with my wife when she was slender and fit. She took great pride in her physical condition, but now I feel like the woman I loved has disappeared. When she wants intimacy, I find myself making excuses not to be with her. I don't know how to tell her that she no longer excites me," he wrote.
He added that his wife is an excellent mother to their son, and while he admires her for that, a marriage without physical love is hard to imagine.
The expert responded with severe criticism.
No mention of personality, sense of humor..
The response from Jane Green was quite harsh toward the conflicted husband. She pointed out that it's pretty disturbing to learn that his love for his wife was primarily because of her slender and fit body.
"There is no mention of her personality, sense of humor, shared interests, or anything else that goes beyond the physical. It makes me wonder what would happen if she had an accident and became disfigured, or how you would feel if she lost a limb," Green commented.
Green also noted that a woman neglecting her state might indicate unhappiness. Gaining weight could be a method of pushing a partner away. Similarly, overeating is often a symptom of sadness.
"Firstly, you need to look beyond the weight gain and focus on the qualities you love about your wife, not just her looks. Secondly, approach her compassionately about her weight gain and try to understand the reasons behind it. If she's content as she is, then you have your answer. However, if she's eager to regain her former shape, find out how you can support her," Green advised.
Jane Green emphasized that it's natural for people to change over time.
