Long-term attempts to conceive can dampen couples' intimacy, say mental health experts

Starting a family can be a key life goal for many people. However, couples who want children but experience various problems with conception frequently suffer. In their efforts to conceive, it's not uncommon for couples' passion to diminish. This pattern of planned sex, which hampers the "bonding properties of intimacy," is known among doctors, psychologists, and psychotherapists.

In an interview with "Health Policy," Joanna Kot explains that when couples diagnose infertility, the course of action typically includes a precise plan for sexual encounters.

Doctors or fertility tracking apps specify the days with the highest likelihood of conception. Couples are instructed to adhere to these designated days, regardless of their personal desire for sex at those times.

"We refer to this as 'sex on the clock' – it's no longer about seeking intimacy and desire, but merely fulfilling an obligation. Such sex loses its bonding property," the psychotherapist emphasizes.

Kot adds that adopting this approach towards sex can lead to a loss of desire and create stress around these encounters.

"However, there's another element to consider - the desire for a child, which is somewhat 'forcing' these timed encounters. This pressure can make sex unbearable, transforming it into something unpleasant and undesirable," Joanna Kot elaborates.

The expert explains that such situations can escalate to feelings of frustration and misunderstanding.

Psychotherapist Joanna Caffo suggests in "Health Policy" that one of the partners may experience physical symptoms such as a headache, weakness, or even flu-like symptoms before an encounter.

"We understand psychologically that such physical reactions could indicate a significant inner process. It could be a manifestation of an underlying indecision to go ahead with the effort of trying to conceive or becoming a parent," explains the specialist.

Caffo suggests that if one partner declines sex, it may be more pertinent at that time to focus on restoring lost intimacy.

"These symptoms could also indicate a need for slowing down, although they may have other implications as well. Therefore, it is essential at this point to engage in open communication," the psychotherapist adds.

Joanna Kot recommends seeking professional guidance if any problems arise. A psychotherapist, and sometimes a sexologist, can assist couples on their journey to regain sexual desire.